Swapping the small screen for the big screen

If I never saw another film again, I don’t think I’d care. I’m bored of films. Thrillers aren’t thrilling, superhero plots are way too predictable, and any comedy film is about as funny as a haemorrhoid. Films seem to have lost all of their creative potential, and the only way you can squeeze any meaning out of them now is to become one of those artsy film-going types. You know the ones I mean; the kind of people that think Avatar was “the worst film ever made” and criticise others “cos, yer know, the storyline just didn’t, like, resonate with me, yar”. Ergh.

https://pixabay.com/en/cinema-canvas-steamed-curtain-film-2093264/

TV series’ are much better. They reflect real life; you dip in and out as and when you want, seeing the characters regularly, but in bitesize chunks. They’re more topical, they can comment on current affairs and, because they’re delivered episodically, they can do much more creative things. Remember that ‘Bowling’ episode of Malcolm in the Middle, the paint-balling episodes of Community, or the recent ‘Connection Lost’ episode of Modern Family? If you don’t, you should.

TV gives you more exposure to the characters too so you end up having a much more meaningful connection with them. In 24, When Jack Bauer references a drug problem he had “five years ago”, you know that’s not five made up film years, that’s five actual years. Remember in season three when he was shooting up heroine? Yep, that’s because you were watching him do it. In Breaking Bad, we waited an eternity for a confrontation between Walt and Hank and, when it finally arrived, we saw five years of pent-up tension exploding in one climactic scene. Can a film do that? No it can't.

TV shows are more social too. “So, what do you think’s going to happen in the next episode?” you’ll say to your friends / colleagues the next day, excitedly. People become fascinated by your theory on how the series is going to pan out, and you listen with trepidation as they explain theirs. Social media goes into a frenzy at the end of an episode and people carry on talking about it for weeks to come. A TV show can unite us with strangers, both on and offline: Mention Game of Thrones in a departure lounge and someone’s going to want to talk to you.

Films? Noone cares.

Something emotional happens to a character, approximately one hour after you were introduced to them - who cares? You don’t have any attachment to them, you’re not going to see them on Netflix the next week and you’re not going to have an ongoing conversation about what happens to them next. When the film’s over, it’s over. You’ll wait three years for a sequel, which will be terrible, or, if you’re one of the aforementioned artsy films buffs, you’ll write an essay on it, which noone will read.

Fortunately, Hollywood producers seem to know where this is going. Marvel, for instance, is pushing more of its franchise onto the small screen (Agents of SHIELD, Daredevil) because they know you just can’t cram big storylines into a 3-hour slot or keep things interesting for that amount of time unless you recruit five villains and 20 superheroes. Subsequently, more and more film actors are flocking to TV too (Charlie Sheen, Kevin Spacey, Zooey Deschanel, to name just a few) because they know a long-running TV series is more consistent and, ultimately, much more lucrative.

There’s a practical issue here too as people are getting very worked up about the fact that noone wants to pay £12 to watch a film in a cinema anymore, and offering some 3D glasses and a migraine hasn’t exactly helped either. They can try to pull all sorts of tricks to get us back into theatres, but the answer is staring them in the face: start showing TV shows in the cinema.

As TV shows become more cinematic, watching them on a couch just doesn’t seem right somehow. I don’t want to watch the Battle of Hardhome on my 40” LCD alone eating pop tarts, I want the full cinematic experience; I want to be there with fans, cheering and whooping as Jon Snore buries an axe into someone’s face, I want to hear the gasps of people when we’re left on a dramatic cliffhanger, I want to file out with fans and have a drink with them to talk about what’s going to happen next. I would (quite literally) pay good money to do it, and I bet others would too.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re a cinema manager, here’s what you should do: Dedicate one screen each night to showing the latest episode of a TV series, then charge people a modest amount - maybe £2 - to watch it. You’ll get more people through your doors, a quicker turn-around time, and more opportunity to fleece us with overpriced Malteasers. If you’re a pub owner, get a section of your pub dedicated to streaming the latest episode of a TV show when it comes out, preferably a cinema room. You’ll get more visitors, more drink sales, and more regulars.

Maybe this is a sign of things to come. The BBC recently announced that the next episode of the drama series Sherlock won’t just be released on TV; it’s hitting cinemas too. Great news. It's a good start, and it's about time other networks starting following suit. I look forward to seeing it happen.